Sponge bath it is.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
