Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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