even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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