They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
