All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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