For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize