He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we made out on top of his cat.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
