i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
