we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
