why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
