The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
