Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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