Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
