Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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