Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
