Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
