Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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