hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
someone owes me an orgasm
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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