I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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