My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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