Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
