OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
