So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My ass is underappreciated
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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