i permit you to call me
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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