so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
