we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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