I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
