she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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