i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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