I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize