Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
my liver is dry heaving
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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