dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
