Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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