I'm drive I can fine osifer
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
