You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
