apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
