I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize
