Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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