I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
