Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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