alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
