Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
