you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
