Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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