ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
