my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
