You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
