i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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