i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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