You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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