I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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