I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
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