Acid is not a monday night drug
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
