i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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