Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
