Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
