I need to stop coming to work sober
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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