I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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