Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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