His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
