I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
So squirting runs in the family.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize