i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
