would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
