My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
