...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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