Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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