This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
