I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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