I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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