thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
