make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
