I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
