happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
