why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
