someone threw a dead crab at me
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize