If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
