I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
