i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
