im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
