i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
