I wannas sexs uuuuu
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize