is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Drunk is not a location!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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