she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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