Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
