I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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