Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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