By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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