You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
