I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
