Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
