Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
